“Do we have any chance of surviving this?” Dean asked
“You do” Castiel replied
“So, odds are you are a dead man tomorrow”
“Wow. Well, last night on earth. What, uh what are your plans?”
“I just thought I'd sit here quietly”.
“Dude, come on. Anything? Booze? Women?”
This was how the conversation was going, was suppose to go. Many years later, when Dean replayed the whole evening, over and over again, in his head , he still couldn’t hear the warning bells, ringing in his head. He didn’t, expect the conversation to go awry from that point on. If he were prophet chuck, he would have written the next line of the conversation.
“You have been with women before? Right? Or an angel, at least? You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud seeding?”.
Oh yes, if he were a writer, and a prophet, he would have penned these lines, would have happy about it too. But as fate would have it, kismet as he called it, no one can predict what the future. No one can see what’s coming next, angel, demon, monsters, humans, the presence of all supernatural mess, not withstanding. But he was not a prophet. He was a hunter, a mere mortal. He was driven by the same laws of nature that drove everyone else, and that didn’t prepare him for what Castiel said next.
“You know what I really want Dean? I wanna know, how it feels like, to be close to someone, know someone, like never before. Now I wouldn’t get the chance” . Those simple words , the honest confession was uttered with so much sincerity , with an air of finality , that Dean was taken aback. He could see the sadness in the angel’s eyes, the gloom that loomed over him. He could see wisdom beyond his years; but most importantly, the inherent loneliness. Somehow Dean found it difficult to find words. He wasn’t an articulate man. He wasn’t erudite, like his nerdy brother. But no one could accuse him of being shy of words. He always had plenty to say. But somehow, when the angel spoke, he spoke with an air of finality. It was like it was the end. There wasn’t anything more to be done about it. Dean could hear his own heart breaking for some reason. He searched for words, anything, something, to make the troubled angel to feel better. He stared at him, trying to convey what his unspoken words couldn’t. But the angel wouldn’t look him in the eye. He looked away, staring at the space, almost catatonic .
Dean could almost feel, in his guts, that Castiel was looking past their immediate surroundings. He was traveling back into time. Perhaps, he had several occasions, where he could have had the bliss. But humanity and saving the civilization and generations of human beings had always come first for the angels. Time had traveled fast. They had kept their romantic escapades for the future. Now, it was too late for his guardian angel. He would never have the bliss.
“Castiel “ he whispered softly , trying to bring him back to reality , wondering what that reality would be. What was real anymore ? A few years back angels and demons had seemed like fictional characters from a child’s story book. Today, they were as real as his own shadow, maybe even more so. His own shadow deserted him in darkness. His guardian angel never did. It broke his heart a little, that he couldn’t do a single thing, to ebb his frustration away. How many times had the angel uttered comforting words to him? How many times he had made given him strength, when his own faith failed him? Wasn’t there anything he could do? Was there something for him to offer to the guardian angel , for his troubles ?. He hadn’t even asked for a simple thank you from you. Gratitude was a fallacy. Was there something purer that would restore the balance a little?
Dean knew instantly in his heart, what he had to do. Something so simple, that it had almost eluded his mind and thought. The thought scared him. He had never done this before. He wasn’t good at comforting anyone. And he hadn’t done it to a man. He wasn’t prejudiced. But he knew if he were to offer himself to the angel, things would change forever. Nothing would be the same. But it was the right thing to do , the only thing now. If God hadn’t gone AWOL, he probably would have asked this of him as well. He was pretty sure of it.
“ Castiel” he spoke loudly this time , his mind made up. His intensity finality got through to the angel. He jolted back from his reminiscences, back to reality, where Dean looked at him , like he hadn’t done before. It didn’t take much for the angel to realize , what was going through the warm hearted human’s mind. It touched him. It touched him beyond anything. He looked at Dean curiously , and smiled inwardly. Perhaps , there was more to this curious creature named Dean Winchester , than he had thought. What he was willing to do , willing to offer to him , was something so pure , it was akin to Godly love. It terrified him.
“are you sure?” he found himself asking , his own voice sounding alien , even to himself.
Dean didn’t answer immediately. He continued to search for something in the angel’s eyes. He knew he was hallucinating , but he could have sworn , to anyone , he saw flashes of time , actual time passing by in the eyes of Castiel’s vessel. He could see the beginning of time , evolution, the rise and fall of empires and civilizations, the mayhem , chaos, brutality, war and famine and finally the impending apocalypse, and the thing that glued it all together – the wait.
“Now I am “he growled as he leaned in , and took his angel’s face in his hands and kissed him. It began as a mere kiss , but soon , both realized it was turning into something else entirely. He found his way into the celestial being’s mouth, devouring everything in its way. But what Dean expect , was the reaction , his body and mind were to have , in the process. His eyes closed , as he the kiss grew more passionate. Suddenly he felt a jolt, a sudden warmth , an unbearable heat burnt him , inside and out. He began to see stars and spots. But unlike those , you see when you are knocked out cold by a violent boxer , these stars looked enormous, and disturbingly , they looked real. It didn’t take him long to realize what had happened. And it filled him , with awe. His father, ever the secular , had once told him an s story from a Hindu Mythology. Lord Krishna was a miscreant as a child. He was a constant source of trouble for his human mother. Once , his mother forced him , to open his mouth to show her , what was in it. She knew he had been eating dirt. When he opened his mouth, to her utter surprise and horror, she could see the entire universe in his tiny mouth. Dean knew , that’s exactly what had happened here. Castiel’s kiss had unleashed the mysteries of the universe , even though he wasn’t god, merely a messenger . Dean realized , that perhaps , it was the purity of the kiss , which unlocked the gates .
He continued to caress the angel , with his eyes , taking in his beauty. He knew he was but looking at castiel’s vessel , and not his real self. But somehow , Dean could see , imagine his true selfless form. The wings were outstretched in mind and he longed to touch them. Dean looked at the angel once again , now completely vulnerable in their nakedness. The angel had stripped them off their clothes. One was always most uncomfortable in his own skin. He could feel his defenses breaking down , as he melted in the angels arms , completely and utterly at his mercy now.
His mind was both blank and full of chaotic thought at the same time. Somehow , he could hear his mind lecturing him on Sufi mystiques. Sufi mystiques, that allowed, undaunted and untainted love to god and one’s lover. He couldn’t decide which one. His body felt completely at ease , as he felt the angel on him. He touched him in turn, his whole body aching to consummate with the man. If this were a play , castiel’s soft caresses would be the crescendo , the climax of the play. He felt himself torn aprt as he felt the angel inside him. Nothing else mattered. Tears began to pour down his face, as he heard his guardian angel whispering sweet nothings in his ears , nibbling the earlobes softly. He knew he had corrupted a pure creature , tainted him. He had drank the blood of a unicorn. But he also knew , he would never be able to do this anyone else again. His body , soul, heart , forever belonged to the angel now. As he heard him moaning in silent bliss , his suspicions were confirmed. Nothing was going to be the same.
Castiel slowly removed his body from the human , and grinned fro the first time.
“ now I can die happily” he announced.
But as you all know, Castiel didn’t die. But what happened to Destiel after this is a different story. It will depend on how much you liked or disliked this first attempt of mine .